/////THE TOUR JOURNAL/////////

February 28th, 2010 // Atlanta, GA: Two years ago Mike Conley died. It's sad to think about it but I'm happy that we got to spend time together. You just never know when you're gonna be gone. But I can tell you this, doing shady shit in the middle of the night with drugs will pretty much seal your fate. And I have to remember that and do whatever I have to do in order to never go back to that place again. Ever! I was right there... On the edge... It was not fun but I had no choice. I had to get high. Not anymore... Thank God!

I'm on tour and things are great. I haven't been writing at all and I'm getting inspired again. Pray that I write more. Please...

March 2, 2010//Newport, Kentucky//356PM: Inspired to write because I’ve been reading a Henry Rollins book called A Mad Dash. He is one tuff motherfucker. It’s like he does shit to test himself and he restricts himself and when he does die he will have an enormous body of work which will be unreal.
So, I went for a walk today in the cold weather. That’s what Henry has been talking about in the book. It felt terrible at first but then I got used to it. I walked about 1.5 miles. I had to mail some books home that I bought in Atlanta. There just so happened to be a bookstore next to where the bus was parked and so I went inside. I found the Henry Miller Rosy Crucifixion Trilogy in hardcover along with Black Spring in hardcover. I couldn’t believe it. Once again, like Henry Rollins was talking about, books without a home are like sheltered animals that need a home. The four books cost me about $65.
I’m really going to try to write more. I just have too. It’s great therapy if nothing else. I was reading an article in the New York Times about depression and how therapeutic writing is for the mind. I have to start writing and walking again, which I’ve done both today. This whole not smoking venture is amazing! I can’t even believe that I’ve quit again. And I also can’t believe that I put my lungs and body through that bullshit for so long. Talk about wrong. But I needed those cigarettes. Those things were my best friends. They never failed me. I was hooked. I smoked at everything. It didn’t matter what I was feeling I lit up and sucked down. So everything was associated with smoking. Especially talking on the phone. But it’s been almost a month now so I’m doing really well. It still fucks with me at times, but I have to realize the consequences of those nasty things. And they are nasty. I feel good, I smoke, I feel bad, I smoke, I talk on the phone, I smoke, I hate you, I smoke, I like you, I smoke. I smoke about everything but I have this distance between that shit and I have to fucking keep that distance building or I’m a dead man.
The tour has been going well. Last night in Atlanta at The Earl, it’s one of those things. You don’t want to fuck with anyone in our camp because more than less you are going to get slapped around, punched, kicked, beat down, and ultimately kicked out of the club probably for the rest of your life. You see, we bring money to the market. And people can jeopardize that money and fuck with a lot of people’s livelihood. But people that are fucked up on booze, or even the somewhat innocent, don’t think of any of that. They think they are the rock star. Or maybe they don’t think that. I don’t know what they think but more than likely their perceptions are skewed and people pay a price for their idiocy. Like the guy on night one in Atlanta. Just fucking getting under my skin with all sorts of bullshit rhetoric. And I’m thinking to myself, “I may have to smash this fucking guys face and quite possibly get scuffed up while doing it”. So I make the decision and I engage because I’m not going to back down. And then something happens. I either fold or the other person folds. But I’m sick and tired of letting people try to walk on me and it’s not going to happen again if I can help it. You have to be ready out here on the road. You can’t be some sissy motherfucker or you’re gonna get jacked up. People see me as a threat because of the way I look. I don’t try to come off like I’m all badass. I mind my own business and I’m not looking for any kind of trouble. If you can’t handle yes and no answers, don’t ask the questions. And if you’re looking to fuck with someone for no reason, look somewhere else. I’m with the band and you’re at the show coming to see the band and you’re giving me shit? It doesn’t make too much sense does it? I didn’t think so. But none of the people that need to pay attention to these facts will ever read this because more than likely they can’t read or their too fucking cool or stupid or whatever they are. Mainly drunk and I’m sober and therefore I pretty much can’t fucking stand drunk people. That is one thing that I really don’t care for about this job but I try to tolerate it the best I can. These are little blips in time. Moments within hours and days within this life and I hang on to these things because they make me mad and when I’m angry something happens to me that I can’t quite explain. It isn’t that I hate being angry. It’s like I’m trying to find a way out of holding onto something such as being pissed at someone. But I hold on for way to long. Or do I? It isn’t like there is a manual to this sort of stuff. Man-up and get down to business and if you have to fight then so be it. Although I would rather not get into a brawl, sometimes that’s what’s going to happen. The easiest way for me to deal with assholes is to get security and have the person removed from the venue.
We started the tour in New Orleans. Two nights at House of Blues. Then we went to Orland Harley Davidson for a day show that was really amazing! I had a great time. Got free Harley swag, sold a ton of merch, and ate good food and drank coffee all day. Doesn’t get much better than that. A header would have been nice to top the night off but that doesn’t happen anymore on the road now that I have a girlfriend. And I love her so I don’t cheat. Next were the two nights in Atlanta and here we are in Newport, Kentucky for a day off. I’m glad I’m here. Life on the road is good.

March 4, 2010//257PM//Newport, Kentucky: The show last night was really good. People were nice and I love when that happens. We ate sushi and got coffee from Borders before the show. Paul, Bigsy Jimbo, and myself. I bought the new GQ magazine with Kobe Bryant on the cover. The article was very inspiring. He is one amazing person. I loved that he cussed in the interview. I never get to hear him say “fuck” because it’s always on TV and censorship blows. Found a humidor inside a big party store that a guy from the gig last night told me about. Bought three cigars and smoked one by the river and caught up on my phone calls with a few guys I sponsor. I almost have 30 days off cigarettes. My quit smoking day is Bob Marley’s birthday. I hope I can stick to it this time for good. The venue was smoking last night and it was brutal! Another night of that bullshit tonight. There’s really nothing you can do. Right when I quit it seems that there have been more and more smoking venues on this particular tour. It’s all a test. And I’m getting to the point where I hate cigarettes with a passion. I can’t help it. Even when I smoked I hated other peoples smoke. It was always like that. Let me smoke my cigarette but if you smoke, fuck off! But now I’m separated from that stuff thanks to hitting a bottom and asking a higher power for some guidance. I thank that power everyday for this gift. And I thank him everyday for keeping me sober. Two utterly important things in my life; without those I am a dead man. I really hope some good things happen when I get home with work related ventures. I have to make shit happen when I get home. I have two months off touring so I need to make some extra $.

March 6, 2010//Chicago//318AM: I’m sitting in my bunk lamenting the day… The Rev played Double Door tonight. It was a great show and the people were generous and nice. I always love when that happens. We did well with merch. It was not very busy just a steady flow throughout the night and a little rush at the end. Only two more shows to go and then I’m on my way home. I can’t wait to get back to California. As much as I don’t know about politics and all the bullshit, I do know that I love California for what California is and the fact that I’m a native of that land. I love the weather, the palm trees, the beach, Big Sur, the entire coast because I grew up on the beach. My life has always been around the beach or no more than 10 minutes from it. Even when I lived in New York I lived by a beach, right on the boardwalk in fact. I’m so grateful I’m a non-smoker. What a blessing. I have one month off cigarettes today. That’s a big deal! I’m so stoked!

March 7, 2010//DeKalb, IL//126PM: Here we are at the hotel in DeKalb. It’s pretty chilly outside. 33. There’s snow everywhere in big piles and it’s sprinkling. The train went by as I talked to Matt Steketee on the phone. Reminded me of the movie Seven when Morgan Freeman came to eat dinner with Brad Pitt and Gweneth Paltrow and the train went by. Anyway, here I am and here we are. This is the last show tonight and then we make our way back to Dallas. We will drop Paul Simmons off in St. Louis at the airport so he can take a flight back to Nashville. Then tomorrow night, or whenever we get back to Dallas, we will unload the trailer and then I will fly home on Tuesday afternoon and be in my lovers arms by 3PM and in my men’s stag meeting by 7pm. Life is good.

///2009///

Sunday December 27th, 2009 // Costa Mesa, CA: There's been a lot of fear lately with going back out on tour. It's been a few months since the Motorhead tour ended and I haven't been doing anything since then. A few jobs here and there for some extra cash. I seem to always get a little scared when a new tour begins. It's Sunday the 27th and I'm leavin in the a.m. flying into Phoenix and we have our first show tomorrow night at The Marquee in Tempe, Arizona. I'm getting through it. I don't have any other choice but to man-up and make it happen! It will be fun. I have to remember that this is a work-related trip, not a prison sentence. I'm a negative kind of guy in some respects. I need to stay positive and keep focused. I probably will not write again until I'm back here on the 30th & 31st for the New Years Shows at HOB in Anaheim. Until then...

Monday December 28th, 2009 // Costa Mesa, CA: Here I am all packed and ready to go. Paul Simmons called me this morning to see about meeting up at the airport in Phoenix. It was so good to hear his voice. He really makes touring easier. It's just amazing to have someone close by that understands my mind-set. He is a blessing. It's 8am. I had a wicked using dream last night. I was smoking crack with some gangsters from The Bronx. I was trying to escape these same guys in my dream/nightmare. I woke up very scared and sweating... It made me really grateful to be clean and sober. I remember those days very well and I haven't had a using dream in a long, long time. At least not one that I remember. I'm so grateful for my life. The fear is subsiding and what I have to do in order to make a living is a reality today. Lately I've been so unmotivated. For awhile actually. I'm hoping this trip eliminates my lethargy. I still can't spell well but I'm trying... See you on the road.

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Joel Hendricks AKA Joel Bull is an old friend of mine. He's one of the dude's who helped me get Compound Radio up and running. Joel enjoys being on the road, depressing literature, rejection from super hot chicks, chubby chasing, and the basic scum baggery of a semi-young American man on the road with zero responsibility. The best part about it all is that he writes about it to share with us all. No Filter, No Filler, No Future............Joel Bull.

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